Review – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

WARNING: This review contains spoilers.

So I went to my first ever midnight showing of a movie last night and I decided to go with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. A couple of things I noticed right off the bat made me leery about the film. One, there was no one dressed up like Scarlet or Baroness (or anyone else, but who cares about the rest). Not really a sign of what the movie was to be like, just bummed that I didn’t see anyone.  Secondly, and most importantly, the theater was empty. Not a good sign when the die-hard Joe fans are not even out supporting the film. Goes to show what damage the trailers and all of the negative hype did to it.

Obviously from the title, you can tell that this movie is going to be a prequel type movie, that shows basically the start up points of a lot of characters. The very first scene in the movie is from 1641 and shows James McCullen (the first to wear the iron mask, but as punishment for selling arms to both sides during war). It also shows you how and why a lot of characters come to play, and where they stand in the movie. From childhood fights between Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes, to Baroness’s choice in men.

I went into the movie with incredibly high hopes. G.I. Joe is my childhood. I grew up with this stuff. I spent most of my days as a kid digging up the backyard with my mother’s spoons and building forts in the trees. I needed this movie to be good. No, I needed this movie to be great. But alas, it was not.

I will never understand what would make a writer/director change so much of a staple in history. Whether it be character background, and most importantly, character visualization. And, why a major company such as Hasbro would let this happen. I can understand appealing to those who are not fans and/or know nothing of the stories, but for those that do follow, it’s a smack to the face.

In the movie, G.I. Joe is a special undercover task force that their main goal is to stop this group of unknowns that use Nanotechnology to rule and destroy the world. Not too far fetched from current technology. The “nano-mites” can be used to destroy an entire city, or be injected into a person for complete mind control. All in the palm of your hand with a kill-switch. This is where good ol’ Chrome Dome steps up and takes control. Especially since the technology was created by his company. Now its up to the Joe’s to stop them.

Too much was changed in this film. Whether or not you feel as if it was a good change, who knows. I for one did not care for most. I think the characters they chose to fill out the movie was good. Too many others may have flooded the movie and went too far. After all, they have stories to create for just about all of those in it. And they may have gotten one story right. And that was Destro’s. I won’t get into all of them, but here a few key roles.

Destro – Played by Christopher Eccleston: Nailed it. He has such a cool look to him. From the suit, to the hair, to the accent. They could not have picked a better actor to play Destro. He takes a major place in this film as the leader of M.A.R.S. (Military Armament Research Syndicate) with is an arms dealer. Passed on through many generations of McCullen’s. He shows his pride in the name throughout. Be prepared though for the masking. I found it to look horrible. The way he gets the mask was a tad off for me as well.

The Doctor/Rex – Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Another role that was that was greatly played. Of course we have nothing to base this off being a new character. However, as we have all heard and know by know, The Doctor becomes Cobra Commander. While as The Doctor, he was terrific. Very maniacal in both speech and his manor-isms. I say speech because I LOVED his voice. It was so close to the voice that we all know. I thought this was the better role in the movie. Until he puts that damn Cobra Commander mask on at the end. Yes, the end. 5 minutes left in the movie. Once the mask went on, the voice changed and then lost me.

2 of the biggest villains in history of television and entertainment and you messed up their biggest assets. Bad move.

Ripcord – Marlon Wayans: A lot of talk going into it on how much humor would be added to this. And I can say it was perfect. He was on the whole movie. Both as an action hero, and for comedic relief. Great choice for the movie.

I’m not going to get into the rest of the cast because nothing really stuck out as great. The rest were “ok players” with nothing to make them stand out. Although Scarlet and Baroness were fantastic to look at. Grrrr.

Again, a lot of story changing that will make a fan lower their rating of the movie. Go into it not as a fan, and you will watch a great action film. Tons of action. So much in fact that some of the scenes were so quick you couldn’t catch them. Lots of CGI. Unfortunately with the CGI it had a lot of ups and downs. Very high ups and very low downs. Not much in between and somewhat inconsistent. Neo-Vipers feel no pain or show no fear, yet when they fall, they yell “aahhhh” or “umph”. I’m very picky.

A lot happens in the movie. A lot that it will be tough to see a sequel created with the lack of some key people from this film (you’ll see what I mean). I give it a 6.5 out of 10

We will definitely have more discussion and spoilers in the forum so if you are not a member, I suggest you sign up. Because signing up is half the battle. (Sorry, that was horrible)

Yo Joe!

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